What comes to your mind when I say, “you are a hero?” Do you feel skeptical? What about doubtful or even bashful? Most of us are far from the movie stardom of a “hero” idol. I know I am. But what if I told you there is a road map, ancient, tried and true to become the hero of your own story. 

The Hero Recipe: An age-old pattern

“How to be Your Own Hero” is a series about joining in God’s grace into the hero he wants you to be. The Hero story is one that drives us to the movie theatres to see good fight evil. 

Along the way, the hero meets mentors, angels, and demons. They witness battles, retreats, and defeats. Most of all they depart from what they know (“home”) on a journey to resolve a problem. They face the unknown and the chaos there. 

If they are successful, they return home transformed, a kind of resurrection. 

This is the hero archetype. Coined by C.G. Jung, an archetype is a “pattern of instinctual behavior” beyond our current awareness. 

In other words, this hero story is a hereditary pattern embedded in all of us and is evidenced in literature, film, history, and religion. It’s not something located in our personal unconscious – memories, individual experience, thoughts and emotions. 

The Hero pattern is as old as humanity and maybe the most meaningful story in history

The real question is not, “how can I be a hero in my life?” The real question is, “How do I find my hero story where I am?”

Spiritual Bypassing: The Eclipse of the Hero

In the last 20-30 years psychotherapists, theorists, and literary critics have resurrected the ideas of Carl Jung to talk about how our growth into mature adulthood is…itself a hero journey. 

At SHU, we say this,

“Whatever it means to be spiritual, it isn’t less than developing into a healthy and mature adult.” 

Too much of spirituality out there wants you to be “Holy” “charismatic” “enlightened” or “liberated” without going through the hard work of psychological development. Often our Christian Traditions can do wonders in our spiritual work – revealing who we really are and drawing us close to God. 

But they can fail at the psychological work – developing us into what we could be (hidden potential of the adult).  

Whatever it means to be spiritual, it isn’t less than developing into a mature adult.” 

SHU About Page

We developed this saying after noticing how many Christians across churches were seeking their Spiritual Identity, usually at the cost of their psychological growth.

I’ve met intercessors who could pray or meditate for hours yet struggle to identify feelings and engage in simple intimacy with others. 

I’ve met charismatics who could speak in tongues and prophecy but raise deeply dysfunctional and critical households. 

In the academic settings, I’ve met profound thinkers who got all the ideas right yet couldn’t apply it to make their friendships work

Have you met others like this?

Over time I wondered, “how does this happen?” 

How did we get so dis-integrated between head and hand? Between our minds and our hearts?

Some have called this “Spiritual bypassing.” People who are spiritually bypassing are using their beliefs, scripture, theology or practice to justify ego defenses.

Some examples of these patterns are: 

Dissociation –

“I distract myself with activities or others to avoid my feelings, needs, and wants.”

The Peacemaker

Denial –

“I maintain control by refusing to accept unpleasant experiences are happening.” Or “I deny any vulnerability.” 

The Challenger

Critical Judgmentalism –

“I judge you so that you can’t see my defects.

The Perfectionist

”Rationalization and Idealization –

“Everything is positive, beautiful, not sad or negative.”

The Enthusiast

Projection and Splitting –

“You’re the problem, not me” and “Well yes and no so I’m ambivalent about it.” 

The Loyalist

Isolation–

“I don’t want to feel that rather I can know about it through thinking.”

The Investigator

Interjection –

“I’m the problem, not others.” 

The Individualist

Identification –

“I will become what others value as success”

The Performer

Repression –

“I push my real thoughts and feelings down to ‘get rid of them.’”

The Helper

All of these sayings are unconscious. If you’ve said any of these things, welcome to the club. You’re not alone. Over time, living a defensive life keeps us from living openly and Present. 

When we live protecting ourselves unconsciously, we live unaware and asleep. 

The Spiritual Self: The Main Ingredient to the Hero Recipe

David Richo refers to the healthy Adult and victorious hero as living in the Self with “unconditional love.”When you progress through your own Hero Journey you have the new qualities of the Self [ref] Richard Schwartz Internal Family Systems [/ref], such as:

• Calm
• Clear
• Connected
• Creative
• Compassionate
• Centered
• Capacity of Choice
• Communion with the divine
• Curious
• Confident
• Courageous

Spiritual bypassing covers the Self like the moon, blocking the sun during an eclipse. The Self is always there, but gets covered by the clouds of our self-doubt, and defenses.

Spiritual bypassing uses spirituality to avoid difficult ego defenses (above) and facing the unknown. It makes people choose the ecstasy of the divine encounter to put a blindfold on the sacred in the ordinary. It makes us choose the thick intellectual academy in place of other legitimate ways of knowing like our feelings, intuition, and imagination. 

This was also me.

My story: My Late Hero Doug Nelson

For the most part, I grew up in a charismatic and Pentecostal Christian background. I still hold it dear to my heart. I was the crazy guy in front crying on the floor throughout high school ministry. The music, the shouting prayers, and speaking in tongues it was my go–to for comfort. 

God met me there. 

Then I met a guy named Doug Nelson. 60 years old, diabetic, guide. He saw in me something I was avoiding, and he leaned into the awkward. I was young, zealous, also too spiritual. 

He said when I laughed, it sounded like I was crying on the inside. This was true. I was using the music and intense spiritual practice to cover up my deep wounded-ness with my father.

You see my father died when I was 17 and he made some mistakes too (as all parents do). Doug spoke to me the truth, pushed past my old behaviors to uncover that wounded-ness. 

And….I hated him for it. 

When we are confronted with the core issues of our psyche, there’s a push back. We naturally resist.

He was a pastor and a therapist by background. He had battled and lost his marriage and his children. The cost of spiritual bypassing in his own life was devastating.  

In his earlier days, he was great at the spiritual work, but didn’t respect the gift that was his body. His spiritual bypassing, cost him his physical health too.

He later faced his demons, found help, then came back to Church to change some lost souls.

He helped me see my own true hero was found through suffering and struggle against these defenses. 

Doug placed a crisis before me to forgive my late father. The result? A new laughter came rushing out. No longer laughing from pain, I felt real joy. My relationship with God changed, and it played a large part in asking Valerie out on our first date

Confronting the unknown in my life gave me the strength to face the next unknown…relationships. 

Most of all, I’ve been leaning into the awkward and the unknown ever since through end of life care in hospice and hospitals. People like Doug Nelson showed me that facing your dragons is the only way to really live. 

What Doug knew is still true today….

Finding your Inner Hero is costly and paved with suffering. But you can bear it and when you do, you’ll discover a whole new world opens up to you. 

The goal of this series is help you find your inner Self, created and declared Good by God for a more mature and free Adulthood. 

“How are you going to do that?” Great question! Let’s find out!

Our Approach to this Series: 5 Ingredients to the Hero Recipe

All Good recipes have one thing in common: fresh and flavorful ingredients. When it comes to becoming “your own hero” you’ll need at least five. These are tried and tested themes, stories, and perspectives. With them, you can find your assertive voice, solve problems, and be your Self.

1st Ingredient: Accepting Your Current Situation

Throughout my time in counseling patients with chronic physical and mental illness, I’ve noticed we humans get stuck, for both good reasons and not so good reasons. It’s usually because we are desperate to do one of two things:

1.     We either try to get back to the way things ought to be (“Shoulding” all over ourselves) or…
2.   We move too quickly to what can be (wishing)

Both of these avoid the crucial first step….

Nothing changes till it becomes what it is.

Carl Jung

When seeking to change your problems, you first need to look at it. 

Stare at it. 

Accept it.

If you can’t help but see things as they should be, then you may be “should-ing” all over yourself and others (stuck in the ought).

If you can’t see what actually is (your current reality) you might be avoiding your shadow.

He that avoids their shadow is like one fighting with one arm. In your shadows are unassailable powers. 

“That which you do not love about yourself, will come back to bite you.” 

Carl jung

If you’re focused on the possibilities without accepting what is, then you only have a nice wish.

If you’re stuck on what will be without going through what actually is, then all you have is a fantasy. 

True transformation begins when you accept what is as a means to what can be

In this series, we’ll talk about strategies for problem-solving and how to unstuck yourself by looking at God’s narrative from Creation to consummation.

2nd Piece: Integration of Your Shadow

You don’t get to change without going through a process, what many have called, “integration.” 

Integration is a journey where we accept the things about ourselves we initially cannot love. To do this, we move 3 steps forward and two steps back. Developing into a hero means winning some battles and losing others.

When we find something about ourselves we can’t stand it usually comes in the form of feeling really annoyed with someone else. This is called projection. That which we don’t love about ourselves is called, “the shadow.”

In this series, we’ll talk about how to notice your own shadow in others. Get answers to why you are so bothered by others. Find more freedom in your relationships.

3rd Ingredient: The Hero in Film and Literature

Since one of the most pervasive and transforming stories is the Hero Pattern, we will walk you through the story of Odysseus and his quest to return home in Homer’s Odessey [ref] I owe much to Beatrice Chestnut here and her contribution. You can read her integration of the Enneagram and Greek mythology here[/ref]. On that journey, we will discover monsters, and demons, sirens, and a cyclops. We will also look at Dante’s inferno and pieces to recent films for how this hero pattern continues on in the minds and hearts of all of us.

We’ll finally look at Jesus of Nazareth the God-man to see how his story speaks a counter-narrative in today’s world.

This will stir our imaginations and open the heart. I’m really pumped about this! Please leave a comment below on any movies you’d like us to explore.

What unknown are you avoiding? What dragons are there? What potenital are you possibly losing out on? Have you gone home too early?

In this series we’ll utilize humor, video, and story for illustrations! Story and film adds color and texture to our “Hero Recipe!”

4th Ingredient: Carl Jung

Carl Jung has recently become one of my new heroes. His work will be weaved throughout this series. 

As mentioned, archetypes are “patterns of unconscious instinct.” Have you ever wondered why you were acted motherly to a peer? Or suddenly felt a child-like tantrum? 

When we make these patterns conscious we will know what drive our own behavior. Once we have greater self-awareness, we will also have greater control over our reactions.

“There are as many patterns as there are situations.”

Carl Jung in Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious

Jung Reminds us that powerful undercurrents of instincts drive us and as long they remain unconscious to us they will always “appear as fate.” 

In this series, we’ll draw upon Jungian thought since some have described him as “the archeologist of the unconscious.” By recognizing our personality in action we’ll have more options. When we have more options we have more freedom.

Keep reading in this series so you can be less reactive and more present.

5th Ingredient: The Enneagram

I’ve saved the best for last. You could call this the main course.

During this series we’ll depart from commonly-known Christian resources to increase our own self-awareness. The Enneagram is not everything but is a profoundly deep tool. Before you can conquer your dragons, you must leave your comfort zones. For many that might mean learning a new way of thinking.

The Enneagram is a nine-type (with 27 subtypes) spiritual-psychological framework for personal transformation. With Claudio Naranjo’s work we’ll be examining common ego defenses (as listed above). 

Lastly, you’ll hear how we apply these concepts in marriage and practical parenting. 

Who is this series for?

• If you want to explore the relationship between psychology and faith
• You want spiritual transformation to meet your personal development goals
• Those interested in Jungian though and the Enneagram in film and literature
• Looking to respond more and react less

What will this series do for me?

• Provide education on your possible character type
• Identify old patterns of personality and behavior
• Learn tips on how to identify the types of other people
• Provide ancient advice on moving out of the old ways of relating to yourself and others
• Help you acknowledge what is as a means to greater Presence and resilience in your life
• Help you to identify your particular strengths and virtues. 

Comment!

If you like this series, be sure to comment below!

We would love to hear your thoughts on the topic and any questions or ideas you’d like to explore.

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We’ll see you next week as we start with identifying the Peacemaker.